There is a monster budding  beneath the surface, asking to be reckoned with, asking to be treated nice. This monster asks for its own platform to trouble, torment, engage, disturb, intrigue, possess, own, manipulate it's viewers. I don't know if the world is ready to view her, and more importantly, I don't know if I'm ready to unleash her. So I hide her behind layers and layers and layers of make up. I keep her down with 1000 tons of chain. The hold is wearing out, I can hear the snap, I can feel the growl. Fifty shades of the good, the bad and the terrible!

Friends often say to me, "you are like a man", sometimes I laugh it off but then other times I genuinely fee bad about it. Everyday when I wake up, dust powder over my nose, pick up my bag and go out into the streets to hustle, I do not do it because I want to be anything, I do it because that is the minimum life will take from me before It gives me a pass to sit on my throne. Within the seeming coldness and aloofness lies a warm creature that wants to love, wants to be loved, wants to own, to possess, to claim and never let go. But the world we I live in doesn't give one tiny bit of love that it won't question, attempt to take back or even outrightly replace with hate. It can't be helped.

This path leads everywhere exept the one place that I want to be. People keep on looking to me, expecting more, sucking, draining and not bothering to invest! I sit here and it's two am and all I can think about is the responsibility that lies ahead of me. Responsibility that I in part took to myself for need of inspiration and drive, but then partly got from people whose look to me doesn't waiver. It is easy to live your life the way you want when it is just you, but I can feel the generations of better mes who are on their way to claim what is rightfully their! How will I be able to pay this debt if I have nothing to pay it with?